Life and Hard Things

Joy Dots:
*beautiful fall day here in Oregon
*the leaves are so pretty
*playing in a David Bowie cover band for Halloween
*petting the cats in the morning
*walking the dog through the neighborhood
*Halloween decorations

Hello friends,

I haven't checked in in a long time even though I regularly read the forum.
Life's been hard, lately. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia, most likely Alzheimer's in February. We toured Europe with our band in January (talking about food challenges, I have a story or two to tell. :h6) ), and while we were over there, she had a health crisis and was pretty confused. The doctor had been keeping an eye on it for a while, and when we got back, she did the tests etc. and was diagnose. It was a punch in the gut in some ways even though I'd suspected for a while.
My husband and I have been trying to be very organized about all this, getting all of our ducks in a row etc. He moved out of our shared house in June to move into an apartment next to her. He's been helping her, but now he's one of the relatively few social outlets she has. It's put a strain on him, on me, and on our marriage. I miss him so much, but I don't think I can complain about this. He wants to do this right, and I have to support him. It's hard to stop being sad, though. After a few months of tantrums and anger, I've now come to a point where Im just sad, trying to accept the feelings. They will pass. We will live together again in the future. It's not easy.

My mother-in-law's situation could be worse, but it has its challenges. She has five dogs - just like Kathleen does now, she used to rescue dogs for the shelter. She kept quite a few "hard cases", which now is problematic. It's getting to the point where she can't really care for them 100% even though she mostly still does a great job. She also shouldn't be driving anymore, and she should either move into assisted living or start in-home care. She is resistant to all of these changes, and I cannot blame her. As a strong, independent woman who has raised a boy, put herself through college, built a small real estate empire and worked so hard for what she has all by herself, stepping down from this is seriously hard. At the same time, we are trying to prevent crises from happening. Tough terrain to navigate.

I cannot be thankful enough for the calm, perspective, and wisdom RR has brought me. Without the food, I would probably be a divorced mess. As things stand, my husband and I are working to support my mother-in-law as a family and looking to start therapy to help our marriage make it through this. I don't think that would have been possible at all before I learned to balance my brain chemistry.

Any words of wisdom or encouragement are greatly appreciated, but just knowing that you are here to listen is so very helpful. Thank you.

Verena