Hi Verena,

Nice to hear from you. I have been thinking about you.
I have a few thoughts about your MIL situation...

: My mother-in-law's situation could be
: worse, but it has its challenges.
: She has five dogs - just like
: Kathleen does now, she used to
: rescue dogs for the shelter. She
: kept quite a few "hard
: cases", which now is
: problematic. It's getting to the
: point where she can't really care
: for them 100% even though she
: mostly still does a great job.

Five dogs is too many. Transfer 3 and just have her do 2. % is not a good situation in
the best of circumstances.

She
: also shouldn't be driving anymore,
: and she should either move into
: assisted living or start in-home
: care.

These are very hard choices. Ask her to do problem solving with you.
This gives her control and allows her to be part of the process. Talk to the
assisted living people about options. Most of them have graduated care services
that start with apartment living. They can talk with you about this transition.

She is resistant to all of
: these changes, and I cannot blame
: her. As a strong, independent
: woman who has raised a boy, put
: herself through college, built a
: small real estate empire and
: worked so hard for what she has
: all by herself, stepping down from
: this is seriously hard. At the
: same time, we are trying to
: prevent crises from happening.
: Tough terrain to navigate.

Well, if that is her history, simply be upfront and honest with her
and ask her which of the choices will work best, not whether she should do one.

: I cannot be thankful enough for the
: calm, perspective, and wisdom RR
: has brought me. Without the food,
: I would probably be a divorced
: mess. As things stand, my husband
: and I are working to support my
: mother-in-law as a family and
: looking to start therapy to help
: our marriage make it through this.
: I don't think that would have been
: possible at all before I learned
: to balance my brain chemistry.

Come join the family and friend list, Verena, it is a great place to talk about this stuff.
We can help. And those of us who are older can give you lots of tips.

warmly,

kathleen

: Any words of wisdom or encouragement
: are greatly appreciated, but just
: knowing that you are here to
: listen is so very helpful. Thank
: you.

: Verena