Your situation sounds very challenging. Facing loss of independence is quite scary for an older person - I somewhat understand what your MIL is going through. Sounds like you have good plans for dealing with your own situation with your husband. Wish I had great words of wisdom for you...
Marcy

: Joy Dots:
: *beautiful fall day here in Oregon
: *the leaves are so pretty
: *playing in a David Bowie cover band
: for Halloween
: *petting the cats in the morning
: *walking the dog through the
: neighborhood
: *Halloween decorations

: Hello friends,

: I haven't checked in in a long time
: even though I regularly read the
: forum.
: Life's been hard, lately. My
: mother-in-law was diagnosed with
: dementia, most likely Alzheimer's
: in February. We toured Europe with
: our band in January (talking about
: food challenges, I have a story or
: two to tell. ), and while we
: were over there, she had a health
: crisis and was pretty confused.
: The doctor had been keeping an eye
: on it for a while, and when we got
: back, she did the tests etc. and
: was diagnose. It was a punch in
: the gut in some ways even though
: I'd suspected for a while.
: My husband and I have been trying to
: be very organized about all this,
: getting all of our ducks in a row
: etc. He moved out of our shared
: house in June to move into an
: apartment next to her. He's been
: helping her, but now he's one of
: the relatively few social outlets
: she has. It's put a strain on him,
: on me, and on our marriage. I miss
: him so much, but I don't think I
: can complain about this. He wants
: to do this right, and I have to
: support him. It's hard to stop
: being sad, though. After a few
: months of tantrums and anger, I've
: now come to a point where Im just
: sad, trying to accept the
: feelings. They will pass. We will
: live together again in the future.
: It's not easy.

: My mother-in-law's situation could be
: worse, but it has its challenges.
: She has five dogs - just like
: Kathleen does now, she used to
: rescue dogs for the shelter. She
: kept quite a few "hard
: cases", which now is
: problematic. It's getting to the
: point where she can't really care
: for them 100% even though she
: mostly still does a great job. She
: also shouldn't be driving anymore,
: and she should either move into
: assisted living or start in-home
: care. She is resistant to all of
: these changes, and I cannot blame
: her. As a strong, independent
: woman who has raised a boy, put
: herself through college, built a
: small real estate empire and
: worked so hard for what she has
: all by herself, stepping down from
: this is seriously hard. At the
: same time, we are trying to
: prevent crises from happening.
: Tough terrain to navigate.

: I cannot be thankful enough for the
: calm, perspective, and wisdom RR
: has brought me. Without the food,
: I would probably be a divorced
: mess. As things stand, my husband
: and I are working to support my
: mother-in-law as a family and
: looking to start therapy to help
: our marriage make it through this.
: I don't think that would have been
: possible at all before I learned
: to balance my brain chemistry.

: Any words of wisdom or encouragement
: are greatly appreciated, but just
: knowing that you are here to
: listen is so very helpful. Thank
: you.

: Verena