Kathleen,
Thanks for your detailed advice. I'm going to reply in your message.

: Nice to hear from you. I have been
: thinking about you.
: I have a few thoughts about your MIL
: situation...

: Five dogs is too many. Transfer
: 3 and just have her do 2. % is not
: a good situation in
: the best of circumstances.

Absolutely my opinion also. However, the dynamic by which communication with her happens is strange. She and I do not openly talk about her illness or the future. She will only talk to my husband. Or perhaps I should say, my husband is worried that she will be embarrassed talking to me, so he handles this aspect. He asked her, and she said no. And that's where he left it. I feel like I have very little control over the situation.

: These are very hard choices. Ask her
: to do problem solving with you.
: This gives her control and allows her
: to be part of the process. Talk to
: the
: assisted living people about options.
: Most of them have graduated care
: services
: that start with apartment living.
: They can talk with you about this
: transition.

This is a big discussion. Ultimately, talking about her illness makes her sad and leads to anxiety attacks later in the day. If a "big issue" is breached, she will have heart-racing or think her dogs are sick later in the day. This means it is likely stressing her out quite a bit. We have taken the road of avoiding discussing her illness very much, also knowing that she will eventually forget her diagnosis.
My husband has tried to talk to her a few times about the future, and both times she has refused to think about it, saying that she doesn't wish to consider these issues. We had in-home care lined up, and when my husband asked if she would be open to a "housekeeper" coming in, but she refused on the grounds of having too many dogs. She also said she didn't see the need.
We are discussing assisted living now, but the dogs are again the issue. I also think it makes her think she has reached a certain point in her life and she would be giving up so much.

: She is resistant to all of

: Well, if that is her history, simply
: be upfront and honest with her
: and ask her which of the choices will
: work best, not whether she should
: do one.

See above. Jesse is very gentle with her. I'm not supposed to talk to her about this. It's frustrating.

: Come join the family and friend list,
: Verena, it is a great place to
: talk about this stuff.
: We can help. And those of us who are
: older can give you lots of tips.
:

Thanks. That's good advice. Will do.

Verena