Hi Pam,

I am glad you wrote

Yes,there is a biochemical explanation It would be called addiction.

Ultimately healing comes down to wanting it. And wanting it enough to simply
follow the instructions which is to do the steps.

You are still trying different *stuff*...should I do this, or that. Maybe sleep, maybe dairy or
ot having meat...rather than simply mastering step one, and then learning to journal
and then working on step 3.

You see, for the program to work, you simply have to do it. There is NO failure, none.
You simply learn more and keep going. You are not the one person the program cannot help, LOL.

You simply don't trust it yet. When you get tired of faffing about (as the Englaish say, LOL),
You will do something differently. Doing it really isn't any harder than not, It just means paying attention to
that one choice....one choice at a time.

Glad you are here.

Pay attention to what is working, girlfriend, it makes it easier.

Kathleen

Hi, everyone. I'm reaching out for
: advice, counsel, reassurance
: ..kick in the pants, whatever. ;)
: I apologize in advance for it
: being so long -- it's taken me
: months to get clear enough to
: actually write it all out, and I'm
: a little afraid y'all will say
: that I *am* the one person this
: program can't help ...

: I’ve been working on this program for
: about a year and a half, and have
: posted a few times about how much
: difference just eating breakfast
: makes: as soon as I settled into
: breakfast, I started eating other
: meals as well (rather than random
: snacking or putting eating off for
: hours too long), I felt more
: grounded emotionally, it was such
: a relief not to be tormenting
: myself with food. All true. The
: problem is, I can't sustain it.

: After a couple of weeks, or even a
: few days, the relief wears off …
: not feeling terrible starts to
: feel normal, and then I start
: feeling bored and restless, and
: maybe a little anxious without
: something to struggle against … or
: I have some kind of challenge, and
: I start to feel like I need some
: kind of treat to get through it.
: (I'm not trying to restrict
: sugar.)

: I can feel that I'm hunting for an
: excuse to “use” food – and once I
: do that *once* -- no matter how
: small it is, but with the
: intention for it to be a drug
: rather than foodt, I can’t stop.
: I’m into a downward spiral where
: my eating gets more and more
: random, and the quality of what
: I'm eating gets worse and worse,
: and eventually breakfast goes too
: ... until I’m exhausted, sick, and
: miserable.

: Then I bottom out and go back to
: breakfast – and of course, there
: is the relief again, all the
: better feelings … but the whole
: cycle repeats, over and over
: again.

: It feels like it's more about
: intention than about what I'm
: actually eating -- like there are
: two parts of me – one that wants
: to get better, and one that
: doesn’t, and they’re about equal
: in strength and take turns being
: in charge. But that’s not a very
: helpful frame – that feels like I
: could be here the rest of my life.
: I wonder whether there’s a
: biochemical explanation for this
: swinging back and forth? I feel
: like it might help me frame it
: differently – maybe I wouldn’t
: feel so powerless to shift it.

: I wonder too about non-food stuff – I
: tend to push myself really hard –
: I work about 60 hours a week, and
: I also have a house, a husband,
: four cats, and a mother-in-law –
: so the list for every day is
: longer than I can get through, and
: I just go from work to housework
: to pet care to MIL errands until I
: fall into bed, and start it again
: the next day. It seems pretty
: clear that I need to change this
: too to fully recover, but once
: again I can’t see how, and it just
: feels like too much to tackle.

: If I just keep focusing on breakfast
: and now Layer 1 journaling, will
: these things get better on their
: own? Should I also try to make one
: simple change in my lifestyle
: stuff, like making sure I get 7
: hours of sleep?

: Sorry, sorry so long ... thanks to
: anyone who hung in there long
: enough to read it. I know I'm
: writing from inside the problem,
: but I do feel stuck in there ...

: Thank you. Pam