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** Quote From Kathleen ** Think of your food journal as your body's book. Your body needs a place to tell its own story. **********************************************************************
** Testimonial of the Week ** First of all, thank you. Thank you for caring enough to feel concern for each of us. Thank you for helping to guide us, and asking us just the right questions that help us each to see with different eyes, rather than the ones that forgetting clouds over. No quick fixes. Right. And I really feel for the first time, I am in no rush. I am not worried about what step I am getting to. (smile) But I am more concerned about what step I am looking at, now. And I am feeling such a tenderness towards myself, such compassion. And that is new. And it feels good. And you’re right I know the steps. But now I get to know them intimately as something living inside me, not some outward verification of who I am or where I am at. I’m so glad I listened to the voice that said, 'Patti, let’s take the remembering class, let’s really look, let’s really see.' And again, I am so grateful to you, and each of the guiders here. To answer your first question, oh yes, I am so willing to be responsible for my healing and to do what it takes to get well. And, I am. Okay.... What have I learned so far: *I learned that when I think a life event or circumstance is what causes me to lose my program, it isn’t, it’s the food, the justas, and that it probably started to wane way before that life event. This was a real awakening for me, when we did the initial writing and looked back at old journals to see where it began to be off; I was shocked at what I found. It truly wasn’t what I believed before this. And I learned that no one was going to judge me, it was forgetting, they knew, and they kept caring for me, kept loving me, and even said in a tender way that we could have pig and I could play my flute, and I really felt like I had come home. *And then the second lesson, breakfast. I wrote yes I know it is steady upon my initial writing of that assignment. And I learned, um, that it wasn’t, not really. I needed more protein. I forgot to watch my weight in relation to the protein my body needs to heal, and to adjust my protein when necessary. I now know to watch this carefully. I also hadn’t a clue that I was only eating 14 grams of carbohydrate. And I learned that having another set of eyes (or a few more sets, lol) is really helpful in allowing me to see, to see what to improve/change. I learned that running on auto pilot with breakfast, thinking that once steady always steady, thinking oh I’ve got that, no problem, and thinking that once I’ve got it it never needs to change, is not such a good idea (and I learned that I may lean towards auto pilot because of feeling so safe with the same routine, the sameness of things). I learned that my body is alive and changing and my program needs to be too. I learned paying attention is important. *I learned that when I am nudged to eat more of something my ED mind will undoubtedly think, oh this can’t be right, I am in menopause she is young, I am 51 she is 21, my metabolism is slower than hers. And that is a signal for me to remember, this isn’t about weight, metabolism, age, or burn factor, it is about nurturing my body to heal. I’m thinking I will continue to grow and learn with this. :) *When I heard we needed to turn our lists and the forum off and take full attention to remembering, I learned that I was addicted to the lists and the forum in a way I hadn’t realized; that sometimes it was an avoidance of just looking at me and my program (or my life). Being interested in reading what people were writing, but not really, not really, connecting with MY program. It was feeling kind of social (in a caring way), if that makes sense? So I learned, that when I do go back to them, I will be connecting in a much different way than before. *Then in lesson 4, when Alison wrote, 'you cannot will your biochemistry to change, you cannot diet your way out of it, the only option is to heal it,' it really impacted me. I think instead of walking closely with myself in healing, I had been more like pushing her, come on come on get a move on it, kick it into gear, trying to will it to happen, rush it to happen, get to the finish line already, you should have been there long ago. And I learned that part of my forgetting was thinking that dieting and program could walk hand in hand; all that counting the points, counting, counting, weighing everything I ate, consumed with believing that if my body wasn’t as I thought it should be, then healing went out the door along with it. But now I am realizing, that I can heal, and I can love my body, and there is always room and time to work on shaping my body within the essence of having it wrapped in healing first. I imagine I will continue to learn and grow with this too. *And then lesson 5, the journal. At first I wrote, 'oh I’ve been journaling for a long time now, even when I relapsed.' And I sure was. But what I learned through this process was that it was more like a log book, not a relationship (as if I detached myself from it). I was writing food, timing, amounts, but found I wasn’t writing physical or emotional feelings very often. And when Carol said, the thing on remembering is just letting go of the I always did and starting fresh today, well, I thought, okay, I am open to that. So I learned to start looking at it with new eyes, the eyes of a beginner. And I found a gift inside that place (with the help of my nudging guiding friends). *The gift: part of my thinking that something has to be over the top to need attention, and that very thought pattern took a part in my forgetting (thanks Carol). And what if we are not looking for what is wrong, but just looking – this helped me connect and truly opened a gift for me this Christmas that is priceless. I can now write sad, depressed, or angry, and it doesn’t mean I am bad or wrong, nor that I am some odd person that is being looked down upon, or somehow emotionally flawed. This is opening something up for me so deep I cannot express. It has opened a tenderness and compassion for the little one inside, that I didn’t even know felt this so deeply. Now I can begin to see (like Carol said), signs of imbalance, rather than signs of doing a bad job on the food, or don’t share that, they will know how emotionally flawed you are, just like your mom said. It is the most precious of gifts this year. And I am now, moved to tears. Alison, If we were to stop this class right now, and linger, and not move forward, all is peaceful in my heart this night. And if we move forward I have all these gifts, these insights, to take with me on the journey. I trust you. And yes, that is another gift that has come, trust. I have most assuredly moved to a completely different place in my walk. And I could not have done any of this alone. So to all you mentors out there, to Alison, to Kathleen, thank you with all my heart. And to each of you here with me, remembering with me, thank you, thank you for your honesty, your openness, your transparency, and your own willingness to take a look. And I see, I need to share my plan (I almost forgot that part): My plan is to continue; to continue to be open, to continue to trust, to continue to let the cloudiness of forgetting fade from my eyesight with each new awareness, to continue listening, like hearing it for the first time, to continue doing, even if it feels hard or scary. What that means as a tangible plan, (a list?), I don’t know. I’m tired of making plans and lists and goals and analyzing things; and I’m really feeling like the only plan I really want to have right now, is to continue on this path of remembering, of growing, and working to see, what other gifts might be awaiting me. Patti **********************************************************************
** Radiant Ambassadors ** People all over the world read online book reviews before they decide which ones to purchase - I know I certainly do! Amazon is my first choice for book reviews, however it seems that Google books also has a book reviewing facility. On Google books, Potatoes Not Prozac currently has 43 five-star ratings but only two reviews so far. I've added a review - who else would like to add a small review to either Google books or Amazon(or both)? It doesn't have to be anything fancy, a few words from the heart are always well received. We'd love to get people talking about Kathleen's books! Selena Come join us if you are excited about spreading the news. **********************************************************************
** Radiant Kitchen **
When ready to cook chicken put it in the Crockpot with the onion and do not add any liquid. As the cooking process goes on it will produce its own juices. Cook on low 8 to 10 hours and it will be falling off the bone tender. For more great program-friendly recipes, check out these great cookbooks in the store.
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** Your Last Diet - More Than What You Think ** Sometimes I do not understand how much fun the chats are. Something magical happens in chat. I am working on the Addiction Amoeba chapter for the book, and pulled out and printed a chat we did on this topic. Whew, was there a lot of information there. I think what happens is that my creative spirit gets activated by chat and the dialogue. Your input steers my understanding If you are not a YLD member, come and join us. Click here if you are ready to change your life or just have some plain ol' fun! **********************************************************************
** Radiant Recovery® Store ** David manages the Radiant Recovery® Store. He is also Kathleen's oldest son. Ok, I have some ideas for you for winter:  Hoof Alive if your hands are cracked and your cuticles ragged or if your lips are chapped and dry  Oat cakes if you go out in the snow and need a snack   A blender bottle if you go back to the car and need a SHAKE
Please send questions and suggestions. I love hearing from you and truly want to help you do your program better. **********************************************************************
** Our Online Groups ** A "BigOne" is a person who has 100 or more pounds to lose. The Radiantbigones list is unique in that we don't just focus on food challenges but we also share information and support for issues that non-BigOnes may not even realize are an issue in day-to-day life. The interaction on this list is great because everyone is so supportive of everyone else and we learn so much from each other. We have people on the list who are in various stages of the 7 Steps, so if you're a BigOne, you'll fit right in! **********************************************************************
**Money, Ranch and Scholarships ** Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D.
A number of people have asked me over the years about scholarships for ranch. We have worked hard to try to sort out how to handle these requests and how to handle the distribution of funds. This also has come up around people taking class. I often have people say, “I don’t have money, can I take a class.” Or “I can’t do your program because it costs too much.” Sugar sensitivity and sugar addiction brings with it something called “entitlement” which means having a sense that I deserve something just by virtue of who I am. I don’t have to earn it, show up or do anything. It is your job to take care of me. Most often entitlement shows up with a belief that goes like this: because I am poor, I deserve this…. Often times entitlement hooks right into another very common filter found in sugar sensitive people – that of co-dependency. Co-dependency means that it is my job to take care of you as a way of not dealing with my own wounding. At worst, co-dependency shows up as a wife who believes it is her job to take care of husband no matter how many times he comes home drunk. She never lets him deal with the consequences of his drinking. He has a hangover and she calls into work and says he is sick. He gets a DUI and loses his license and she drives him to work because it is cold. He passes out on the couch and she covers him with a blanket. On another level, co-dependency can show up as “generosity”….oh you have no money, let me get you a car. Oh, you poor dear, you have been through so much, let me take care of you. Oh, you are having a hard time in school? You flunked out, let me stop my life, fix your meals, do your laundry and give you a place to stay to take this burden from you. These themes come closer to home than many of us like to admit. At Radiant Recovery, our scholarship policy has changed in direct correlation to my own work in healing my co-dependency. This work has grown in 2009 as I have been willing to face it. This year we have changed our policy around scholarship support. Here are the revised criteria for scholarships to support your going to ranch: 1) Is there money available in the scholarship fund? 2) What is your need? 3) What commitment have you made to come? 4) What action have you taken to follow that commitment? Let’s look a little more at what each of these mean. Is there money... This is a key money recovery principle…do not spend what you do not have. It means that we as a community work hard to raise money for scholarships. We are willing to be careful stewards of that fund, to care for the money wisely and to give it out thoughtfully. We have a committee of people who will look out for this. What is your need... This one has two parts. The first is very functional. What is your income, what are your expenses? The second one asks you to look at why you need support. Is your situation a functional reality or the result of your not taking care of your own money stuff? There is no judgment in this. If you have an active addiction pod going with money, it is not good practice for scholarship money to keep you from the consequences of that process. If you are actively working on your right relationship to money, then scholarship support can be another tool for your healing. What is your commitment... Basically this is about what you are willing to do in order to be able to come to ranch. What do you bring to the table? What action have you taken... This is the reality test. Is your commitment just words or have you actually been doing something. These are hard issues. Often there is a lot of shame about not having money. We want to support you in taking away the shame and simply getting clear about how to make your dream come true. This is why we have set up this new class I have announced in this week’s newsletter. If you want help in figuring out what to do, take the class. I will be delighted to work with you. Here are the folks who are helping put the newsletter together:
Gretel, our webmaster, puts it all together. David runs the Radiant Recovery® Store. Selena provides the weekly Ambassadors column. The banner photograph is by Patti Holden. ©2009 Kathleen DesMaisons. All rights reserved. You are free to use or transmit this article to your ezine or website as long as you leave the content unaltered, use this attribution: "By Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D. of Radiant Recovery®", and notify kathleen@radiantrecovery.com of the location. Please visit the Radiant Recovery® website at http://www.radiantrecovery.com for additional resources on sugar sensitivity and healing addiction. You are getting the weekly newsletter from Radiant Recovery® in response to your signup. A copy of this newsletter may also be found posted on the web at http://www. radiantrecovery.com/weeklynewsletter.htm. |
