I am really struggling at the moment. Starting this programme seems to be the very worst thing I could have done at the moment. I went on a very low calorie diet in august and lost 1 1/2 stone. Couldnt stick to it but triied to eat healthy and cut out .sugar, whilst reading lots about sugar addiction. When I read Kathleens book I seemed to interpret the dont cut out sugar rule yet as you need to eat sugar until you get to step 6. So it just seemed to give me permission to completely give into my addiction and eat sugar without boundaries. I have now put on all the weight I lost and another 3lb. Now my addiction is in full flow and I just cant stop eating especially sugar. I feel terrible. I am in terrible pain as my knees and back are strugglng under the weight, none of my clothes fit me. I am struggling to walk properly, I know I am a heart attack waiting to happen.

I have been doing breakfast religiously, and have all parts in place. I have always been terrible at journalling so i think i am procrastinating about gong on to step 2, and then I am scared that cos i am not very good or consistent at journalling that it will take months to get to a stage where I lose any of this weight and that i am gong to either cripple myself or die in the process. I know it is all about balance and healing but I am worried I dont have time.

It is just like I have swapped the alcohol for food and now I am at that rock bottom stage where I just cant go on any longer like this, but I am scared to stop the sugar because of what Kathleens book says.

I am just so scared, depressed and fed up. I will be at ranch this weekend if anyone can help at all.

Amanda