: I am really struggling at the moment.
: Starting this programme seems to
: be the very worst thing I could
: have done at the moment. I went on
: a very low calorie diet in august
: and lost 1 1/2 stone. Couldnt
: stick to it but triied to eat
: healthy and cut out .sugar, whilst
: reading lots about sugar
: addiction. When I read Kathleens
: book I seemed to interpret the
: dont cut out sugar rule yet as you
: need to eat sugar until you get to
: step 6. So it just seemed to give
: me permission to completely give
: into my addiction and eat sugar
: without boundaries. I have now put
: on all the weight I lost and
: another 3lb. Now my addiction is
: in full flow and I just cant stop
: eating especially sugar. I feel
: terrible. I am in terrible pain as
: my knees and back are strugglng
: under the weight, none of my
: clothes fit me. I am struggling to
: walk properly, I know I am a heart
: attack waiting to happen.

: I have been doing breakfast
: religiously, and have all parts in
: place. I have always been terrible
: at journalling so i think i am
: procrastinating about gong on to
: step 2, and then I am scared that
: cos i am not very good or
: consistent at journalling that it
: will take months to get to a stage
: where I lose any of this weight
: and that i am gong to either
: cripple myself or die in the
: process. I know it is all about
: balance and healing but I am
: worried I dont have time.

: It is just like I have swapped the
: alcohol for food and now I am at
: that rock bottom stage where I
: just cant go on any longer like
: this, but I am scared to stop the
: sugar because of what Kathleens
: book says.

: I am just so scared, depressed and
: fed up. I will be at ranch this
: weekend if anyone can help at all.

: Amanda

Hi Amanda:

I'm sorry it is so hard right now. But, I want you to look at your successes too. You have mastered breakfast! You have admitted you have a problem with sugar and are seeking answers and recovery. You signed up for Ranch. That is a huge gift you gave to yourself.
The Ranch experience is totally transforming and I am so excited for you.

If you want to try a baby step at journalling, try only recording breakfast and your physical and emotional feelings at that meal. I journal for a while and then I stop and then I have renewed fervor and love for journaling as a learning tool and start in again. It will not keep you from step 3. I actually moved to step 3 before I "loved" my journal - shhh don't tell!

Dori