Hi Donna - thank you for your honest sharing. It seems you have quite a lot of awareness of yourself, and I think that's to be celebrated.

I find meditation very helpful for this - you can notice your mind doing all kinds of things, but because you're meditating you don't follow the trails of thought. So you can see that they're just something that happens and you don't have to believe them or act on them. You can label them 'thinking' or 'stories' and return back to noticing the breath. Then in everyday life you can remember this, when your mind wants to move you into those habitual patterns. If you can notice you're about to do something habitual, and then notice that you have a choice, and then you're empowered to choose differently. And to use the breath/slowing down as a way to facilitate that.

Byron Katie is very good on this kind of thing - I'd really recommend her if you haven't come across her before. She talks about where you would be if you didn't believe your stories.

Wishing you lots of happiness

Sarah x

: Two weeks ago in the Newsletter the
: moderators posted an archived
: message from Kathleen. I had seen
: and read this message before but
: this time it resonated with me in
: a whole new way. What is it
: doesn't have to be hard? That
: question has been milling around
: in my mind since that posting.

: What if breakfast does not have to be
: hard?
: What if my job does not have to be
: hard?
: What if exercising does not have to
: be hard?
: What if my marriage does not have to
: be hard?

: This last one has caused me the most
: pause. My marriage has been hard
: since the beginning. We have only
: been married for about six years
: but it has been hard from before
: the first day. We each have had: previous marriages. We each have
: kids from those previous
: marriages. We knew each other and
: dated in college and have come
: back together after 25 years apart
: living hard lives.

: What if this doesn't have to be as
: hard as we have made it?

: This question, like the program,
: looks simple. But is really very
: deep and profound.

: What if it is hard because I am
: making it hard?
: What if I just put down the conflict
: and love my best friend?
: What if our kids know we love them
: regardless of the fact that our
: marriages did not work out?
: What if...?

: I would welcome thoughts. I am not
: sure how to move on with letting
: it be not hard. I have created
: such a deeply ingrained thought
: pattern and habitual way of
: behaving. I am not totally sure
: how to move on with not hard.

: Thank you for letting me process
: here.

: Donna
: