: Hi, BettyJane.

: Oh, I so feel your pain. I spent so
: many years feeling just the way
: you describe. I hope you can read
: Kathleen's note to you, and PNP,
: slowly and really take in the
: comfort that is there. (One of my
: own *things* is that I gobble
: reading and often take in the
: words with my brain, but I have to
: slow down to actually understand
: and connect them to my own
: experience. I wish I had been able
: to really take PNP in that way the
: first time I read it, many years
: ago.)

: Your reference to getting kicks from
: misery caught my attention,
: because it's taken me a while to
: understand how misery-induced BE
: functions for me -- it's
: definitely not about getting kicks
: from feeling awful, but there *is*
: a comfort there, a reassurance,
: that for me can be quite
: seductive. It's like under the
: pain I feel a solidity -- I know
: I'm *there*, and that's
: reassuring. So now I understand
: how I can be "addicted to
: misery," but it was really
: important for me to get that I
: wasn't getting high on it, I was
: getting comfort. It made it easier
: for me to be compassionate with
: myself, and open to comforting
: myself in other, less-hard ways.

: So glad you are here -- this is a
: good place to be!!

: Pam

Oh, Pam, I so appreciate your message. To know that other people have felt the way I am feeling and have found a way out of it is the first "light" that I have had in a long time. I, too, read PnP many years ago but just barrelled through it and tried to do the steps fast and, of course, it didn't work at all. I have ordered the book and George's shake and plan on taking things very slow this time. Since I am a senior citizen, I keep thinking I don't have much time left to get this under control but I have been thinking that for years and it certainly hasn't helped me. Again, thanks for taking the time to "chat" with me.