*so many birds in our yard this morning enjoying the bird bath and feeders, including bluebirds and Cedar Waxwings
*my dog lying behind me on the bed with his head resting on my legs

20 years ago, two life-changing things happened. The first was that I got a dog. I had always loved dogs, and grew up with a dog in the household, but once I left home, I just had cats, and later parrots and reptiles as well, because they were easier. (Well, birds are not necessarily easier, but you can go away overnight without a pet sitter, and they don't have to be walked.) But in 1998, my friend got dogs, and because I spent so much time with her and was consequently doing lots of dog things, I decided I might as well get a dog. My friend actually found my dog for me. The dog was in a shelter, and she called me up and we went together to meet the dog. When I first met Patches, she was very overweight and didn't really seem to have much personality. I took her for a little walk and she wasn't very responsive. I decided she needed my help, and she got along with cats, so I brought her home.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I started taking Patches for walks. I explored my whole neighborhood, and then I started taking her to a beautiful park by the river. We met other people and their dogs. She began to lose weight slowly. She would try to play with the other dogs, but she couldn't keep up with them. The other dogs would run in a circle, and, being a Border Collie cross, she instinctively knew that she could catch up with them by cutting through the middle of the circle. After I had her for a couple of months, she got really sick, and we discovered that she was hypothyroid. Once she started on medication, she lost weight more rapidly and perked up. She became a joyful dog.

I got Patches in May. In November, I decided I was really tired of being so depressed and feeling lousy. I was 39, and I decided that my 40's were going to be better than my 30's. I was talking to my massage therapist about how I was having constant blood sugar crashes, and I was hyper all day and exhausted in the evening. She asked me what I was eating, and then told me I needed more protein and I should do the Zone Diet. I went out and bought the book. I quickly realized that the only way I would get enough food on the diet was to eat protein, vegetables and whole grains. I was willing to do whatever it took, and I just told myself that because I didn't actually need to lose weight, I'd still eat the other stuff if I went to a party or on special occasions. The book said to expect to feel lousy at first, and I did for about a week. Then I began to notice that I wasn't starving an hour after breakfast now that I was eating protein, and that I had more energy. And the black cloud was starting to lift. Then my friend had a party. I went and ate everything I always used to have at parties: cookies, champagne, sugar, sugar, sugar etc. That evening I got really tired, got a horrible headache and went home and yelled at my pets all evening. The next day, I woke up with a horrible headache and bottomless pit hungerAt that point I realized that I either needed to eat some sugar regularly or not at all to avoid that. I was feeling so much better without it that I decided not to eat it. Shortly after, I read about Potatoes not Prozac and thought, "This sounds like what is wrong with me" so on my lunch break, I walked up to a bookstore and started looking at the book. When I got to the section that lists the symptoms of low beta endorphin in a chart, I knew I had found the answer. Everything I hated about myself was listed as a symptom of low beta endorphin. I bought the book and started following the program. I emailed Kathleen with a question and she referred me to the forum and I have been here ever since. That was in December of 1998.

So, despite the fact that it did work for me, I do not at all recommend doing the program the way I did, cold turkey. I have seen many, many people try it that way and almost all of them crash and burn and then start over. Following the steps is much better. Also, when you do the steps slowly, you have all sorts of wonderful discoveries along the way, which I missed because everything happened so fast. I always think of it like the difference between watching a herd of cattle go through a gate one by one, versus watching the same herd of cattle stampede through the gate. The cattle end up in the same place, but in one case there are details, and in the other it's a messy blur. Also, despite the fact that some things did change for me early on, it took me just as long to get really stable as it does for people who do the steps as they are written. And because I gave up sugar before I was really ready, I spent the first year obsessively coming up with program-friendly desserts and eating a lot of fat.

But I made it, I never looked back, and I am still here doing the program and hanging out on the forum today. My dog and I had many wonderful adventures. Doing the program allowed me to be in the moment, so on our walks, instead of having all sorts of obsessive thoughts and worries going through my mind, I started looking around me and enjoying people's gardens and the sky and the birds and the noise the poplar leaves make when the wind is blowing and so many other things. So when my dog would linger endlessly sniffing a spot, I would just enjoy my surroundings. In the winter, I'd take her to the beach and let her run, and I would enjoy the waves. I always think of her as my recovery dog, because we recovered together. And I have had dogs ever since. I cannot imagine not having a dog, and I cannot imagine not doing the program. Both have opened up my life in so many ways. I am such a different person than I was before the program I would never, ever want to go back to the way I felt before doing the food. No more blood sugar roller coaster, no more mean voice in my head telling me what a loser I am, no more constant mental drama, no more hopelessness, no more always feeling left out, no more feeling that the universe is conspiring against me, that unpleasant things in my life are punishment for having dared to be happy, that I am unlovable etc.

Do the food, change your life. (And if you are an animal person, I highly recommend getting a dog. But definitely do the food.)
Allison