: *so many birds in our yard this
: morning enjoying the bird bath and
: feeders, including bluebirds and
: Cedar Waxwings
: *my dog lying behind me on the bed
: with his head resting on my legs

: 20 years ago, two life-changing
: things happened. The first was: that I got a dog. I had always: loved dogs, and grew up with a dog: in the household, but once I left: home, I just had cats, and later: parrots and reptiles as well: because they were easier. (Well, birds are not necessarily easier: but you can go away overnight: without a pet sitter, and they: don't have to be walked.) But in 1998, my friend got dogs, and: because I spent so much time with her and was consequently doing lots of dog things, I decided I might as well get a dog. My friend: actually found my dog for me. The dog was in a shelter, and she called me up and we went together to meet the dog. When I first met Patches, she was very overweight: and didn't really seem to have much personality. I took her for a little walk and she wasn't very responsive. I decided she needed my help, and she got along with cats, so I brought her home.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made. I started taking Patches for walks. I explored my whole neighborhood, and then I started taking her to a beautiful park by the river. We met other people and their dogs. She began to lose weight slowly. She would try to play with the other dogs, but she couldn't keep up with them. The other dogs would run in a circle, and, being a Border Collie cross, she instinctively knew that she could catch up with them by cutting through the middle of the circle. After I had her for a couple of months, she got really sick, and we discovered that she was hypothyroid. Once she started on medication, she lost weight more rapidly and perked up. She became a joyful dog.

: I got Patches in May. In November, I
: decided I was really tired of
: being so depressed and feeling
: lousy. I was 39, and I decided
: that my 40's were going to be
: better than my 30's. I was talking
: to my massage therapist about how
: I was having constant blood sugar
: crashes, and I was hyper all day
: and exhausted in the evening. She
: asked me what I was eating, and
: then told me I needed more protein
: and I should do the Zone Diet. I
: went out and bought the book. I
: quickly realized that the only way
: I would get enough food on the
: diet was to eat protein,
: vegetables and whole grains. I was
: willing to do whatever it took,
: and I just told myself that
: because I didn't actually need to
: lose weight, I'd still eat the
: other stuff if I went to a party
: or on special occasions. The book
: said to expect to feel lousy at
: first, and I did for about a week.
: Then I began to notice that I
: wasn't starving an hour after
: breakfast now that I was eating
: protein, and that I had more
: energy. And the black cloud was
: starting to lift. Then my friend
: had a party. I went and ate
: everything I always used to have
: at parties: cookies, champagne,
: sugar, sugar, sugar etc. That
: evening I got really tired, got a
: horrible headache and went home
: and yelled at my pets all evening.
: The next day, I woke up with a
: horrible headache and bottomless
: pit hunger that point I realized
: that I either needed to eat some
: sugar regularly or not at all to
: avoid that. I was feeling so much
: better without it that I decided
: not to eat it. Shortly after, I
: read about Potatoes not Prozac and
: thought, "This sounds like
: what is wrong with me" so on
: my lunch break, I walked up to a
: bookstore and started looking at
: the book. When I got to the
: section that lists the symptoms of
: low beta endorphin in a chart, I
: knew I had found the answer.
: Everything I hated about myself
: was listed as a symptom of low
: beta endorphin. I bought the book
: and started following the program.
: I emailed Kathleen with a question
: and she referred me to the forum
: and I have been here ever since.
: That was in December of 1998.

: So, despite the fact that it did work
: for me, I do not at all recommend
: doing the program the way I did,
: cold turkey. I have seen many,
: many people try it that way and
: almost all of them crash and burn
: and then start over. Following the
: steps is much better. Also, when
: you do the steps slowly, you have
: all sorts of wonderful discoveries
: along the way, which I missed
: because everything happened so
: fast. I always think of it like
: the difference between watching a
: herd of cattle go through a gate
: one by one, versus watching the
: same herd of cattle stampede
: through the gate. The cattle end
: up in the same place, but in one
: case there are details, and in the
: other it's a messy blur. Also,
: despite the fact that some things
: did change for me early on, it
: took me just as long to get really
: stable as it does for people who
: do the steps as they are written.
: And because I gave up sugar before
: I was really ready, I spent the
: first year obsessively coming up
: with program-friendly desserts and
: eating a lot of fat.

: But I made it, I never looked back,
: and I am still here doing the
: program and hanging out on the
: forum today. My dog and I had many
: wonderful adventures. Doing the
: program allowed me to be in the
: moment, so on our walks, instead
: of having all sorts of obsessive
: thoughts and worries going through
: my mind, I started looking around
: me and enjoying people's gardens
: and the sky and the birds and the
: noise the poplar leaves make when
: the wind is blowing and so many
: other things. So when my dog would
: linger endlessly sniffing a spot,
: I would just enjoy my
: surroundings. In the winter, I'd
: take her to the beach and let her
: run, and I would enjoy the waves.
: I always think of her as my
: recovery dog, because we recovered
: together. And I have had dogs ever
: since. I cannot imagine not having
: a dog, and I cannot imagine not
: doing the program. Both have
: opened up my life in so many ways.
: I am such a different person than
: I was before the program I would
: never, ever want to go back to the
: way I felt before doing the food.
: No more blood sugar roller
: coaster, no more mean voice in my
: head telling me what a loser I am,
: no more constant mental drama, no
: more hopelessness, no more always
: feeling left out, no more feeling
: that the universe is conspiring
: against me, that unpleasant things
: in my life are punishment for
: having dared to be happy, that I
: am unlovable etc.

: Do the food, change your life. (And
: if you are an animal person, I
: highly recommend getting a dog.
: But definitely do the food.)
: Allison

It is fascinating that you wrote this today. At the very same time, you were writing it, some folks on the step one list were tumbling into a moment of awareness. I think something happened.

I have had the gift of being a witness to your journey. Twenty years is a long time. The *reveal* happens in moments. Or maybe in dogs, LOL. Each dog from patches forward has had the joy of you deep, profound love. And each of them has flourished.

You have taught me to see birds, and then to appreciate and then love them. Now I go and sit down by the cranes in the field. I think of you telling me why they travel in 3s. I was there as you shed old skins like the snakes you cherish (and no I have not grown to care for snakes, LOL) but the gift of the transformation touched my core too.

Thank you for always being here. Thank you for making it a loving place of welcome and care.

With great love,

Kathleen