what a fantastic story Fiona, I feel so pleased for you finding your voice - yes its a very big deal indeed.

also that ability to ignore or disregard a comment you don't like Huge !

I was all prepared to take bits and bobs to SIL over xmas, she still hasn't got the hang of me and panics and phones all the time to see if I will eat the gravy etc, which is sweet of her really. Well, its a lot to remember., if you are a white things/sugar eater as its not always apparent whats in what. Afterwards I thanked her and said, Lovely dinner, all my favourite things! and she was so, so pleased at having catered for me

It is easier for me tbh as we only seem to socialise with people I know well, with an acquaintance it would be more difficult to be sure, but experience of eating round a table and choosing does help, so if I encounter a future experience it wont be as daunting I hope.

I remember once I was given a sunday dinner all plated up, with things I didn't like and I wasn't asked, I remember every detail and still have nightmares about it because at the time I just ate it to be polite

I wonder what I would do now? I know, 'polite' out of the door but there are ways of being direct yet tactful , I would have phoned beforehand I know, because forewarned is best but if not I would be in the kitchen demanding , and grinning and saying Haha, I am such a fusspot! and they would think weird, probably, but I would be happy

Really love your " gently assertive "