posted about this before, but Fiona's last post really brought it home to me - about going and trying all those foods again and feeling how it didn't work...…. a familiar old repeat pattern for me over years with this and that diet.

I realise I had been afraid of food pretty much all my life . It had such power over me --. is this hard to believe?----- I knew this from being about five years old.

If there was an event six months hence I would worry over it. I would worry about todays dinner!

and people would talk about finding their passion in life. I wanted that wonderful thing. I had loves and dreams and great pastimes and hobbies but, what *was* I passionate about ? There was a big huge missing chunk.

the answer in the end, unexpected, but there - all the time

its food

and it changed when I was eating the right things and looking to the behaviours that changed my brain chemicals. Right from the biggest worry and stress to the biggest delight and satisfaction. Not immediately, but a mend here, a soothe there, a new pathway built, a new approach made.

A few weeks ago I had dinner in a restaurant. We were given the best seats by the harbour, looking out at the boats. It was really wonderful ! Last night I thought, I will play and recreate that dinner.

So in the day I made duchesse potatoes to pop in the oven. Got a spinach watercress and rocket salad waiting

then I drew an oval of pesto loosened with olive oil on the dinner plate. Filled it with ratatouille. Then on top balanced some ghee- pan-fried flattened chicken thighs. Artfully placed some tiny cubes of feta cheese A tiny drizzle of balsamic on top.... a little garnish of watercress...……..

it looked absolutely amazing

( and I think I will do it for my girlfriends next time, with halloumi for my vegetarian)

the lovely thing ? I look at the food, I anticipate, but I also remember. The food is a device that replays all my memories of that entire day. Its still that powerful but in the nicest way

and it gives me the greatest joy to say, yes food IS my passion - it always was.

Balanced food passion though ? can not really describe it . Happy satisfying achieving encompassing all memories and hopes, future plans, past loves.