That is lovely how you have totally flipped your feelings about food. I've always had an interest in food, and I never had a fear of food. I was very sugar sensitive but I never had a weight issue so there was no angst around food, except about how much it cost when I first got divorced and was struggling financially. When I was little, I had a Unicef bingo game that had drawings of food - not a finished meal, but things like grain, peas in the pod, milk etc. I was always making up stories in my head, so I used to take one of the bingo cards and pretend that those were the staple foods available in an imaginary nation, and then imagine what the regional dishes would be. I know, totally weird pastime for a little kid. Of course, when I was old enough to learn to cook, I was most interested in making desserts, but I did eventually learn to cook other foods.

I love to read cookbooks and imagine with the different dishes would taste like. I'm afraid that, despite my interest in food, meals at our house are often boring, but what I do like is cooking without a recipe - looking at what we have in the house and coming up with some combination of ingredients and seasoning that I think would be good. Give me a skillet and a fully stocked kitchen, and I am happy. Being able to put together a yummy meal without any kind of recipe makes me feel creative and competent. Even if we grill meat, I like to come up with tasty side dishes. But I do most of my creative cooking on weekends, or when I'm not tired. After a long day at work, I keep it simple.

It used to be that when I went to a restaurant, the whole meal was about the dessert. I would read the dessert menu first, and then base what I ordered around the dessert. If there was a dessert I really wanted, I'd pick a smaller meal so I wasn't too full to enjoy the dessert. (Oh, I'd eat it anyway, but I preferred not to be full to the gills.) Also, once I was on my own, I needed to make sure to pick a meal that wasn't too expensive so I could afford the dessert. If the restaurant only had jello, vanilla ice cream and grapenut pudding for dessert (yes, gasp, there were restaurants like that), I wasn't interested in dessert, and then I'd order more for dinner. But I never paid that much attention to the entree. Now, the focus of my meal is selecting a tasty entree that appeals to me. My favorite local place right now is a Middle Eastern restaurant that has really tasty foods. I love the combination of flavors, and it makes me want to learn how to cook Middle Eastern dishes.
Allison

: posted about this before, but Fiona's
: last post really brought it home
: to me - about going and trying all
: those foods again and feeling how
: it didn't work...…. a familiar old
: repeat pattern for me over years
: with this and that diet.

: I realise I had been afraid of food
: pretty much all my life . It had
: such power over me --. is this
: hard to believe?----- I knew this
: from being about five years old.

: If there was an event six months
: hence I would worry over it. I
: would worry about todays dinner!

: and people would talk about finding
: their passion in life. I wanted
: that wonderful thing. I had loves
: and dreams and great pastimes and
: hobbies but, what *was* I
: passionate about ? There was a big
: huge missing chunk.

: the answer in the end, unexpected,
: but there - all the time

: its food

: and it changed when I was eating the
: right things and looking to the
: behaviours that changed my brain
: chemicals. Right from the biggest
: worry and stress to the biggest
: delight and satisfaction. Not
: immediately, but a mend here, a
: soothe there, a new pathway built,
: a new approach made.

: A few weeks ago I had dinner in a
: restaurant. We were given the best
: seats by the harbour, looking out
: at the boats. It was really
: wonderful ! Last night I thought,
: I will play and recreate that
: dinner.

: So in the day I made duchesse
: potatoes to pop in the oven. Got a
: spinach watercress and rocket
: salad waiting

: then I drew an oval of pesto loosened
: with olive oil on the dinner
: plate. Filled it with ratatouille.
: Then on top balanced some ghee-
: pan-fried flattened chicken
: thighs. Artfully placed some tiny
: cubes of feta cheese A tiny
: drizzle of balsamic on top.... a
: little garnish of
: watercress...……..

: it looked absolutely amazing

: ( and I think I will do it for my
: girlfriends next time, with
: halloumi for my vegetarian)

: the lovely thing ? I look at the
: food, I anticipate, but I also
: remember. The food is a device
: that replays all my memories of
: that entire day. Its still that
: powerful but in the nicest way

: and it gives me the greatest joy to
: say, yes food IS my passion - it
: always was.

: Balanced food passion though ? can
: not really describe it . Happy
: satisfying achieving encompassing
: all memories and hopes, future
: plans, past loves.