Hi {!firstname_fix}

I published an article a few months ago on the biochemistry of abuse. That article talked about the abused. This week's newsletter will talk about the abuser. It is hard stuff to look at, but I think there is great comfort and hope in thinking of the problem as biochemically based and able to be resolved. Healing comes with taking the dark stuff out of the closet and working on it.

And 2 small announcements:

We will be starting a bookstudy on Little Sugar Addicts on August 16. If you would like to join, please join the radiantbookstudy list. I will be starting to do some radio interviews and events for Little Sugar Addicts. We will post them on the schedule page. Check out the Little Sugar Addicts Home page if you like at www.littlesuagraddicts.com.

Please feel free to pass this week's newsletter on to your friends and family. Don't forget to let me know what you like and would like to see.

A copy of this newsletter may also be found posted on the web at http://www. radiantrecovery.com/weeklynewsletter. If you wish to unsubscribe, use the link at the bottom of the page. Do not email me, do not get mad at me, just click on the link and you will be forever removed.

And be sure to visit our Radiant Recovery® website and Community Forum regularly.

Warmly,
Kathleen

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August2, 2004

** Quote From Kathleen **

Plant the seeds of the buy in. Take time. Provide an example and ask for help.

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** Testimonial for the Week**

I have been on this plan for 16 months--having started all the steps at once. Two months ago I decided that I felt so great because I was eating three meals a day and had a hysterectomy in the last 14 months, not because I was on this plan.

I was trying very hard NOT to believe that I was sugar sensitive. So, about two months ago, I started eating whites again and lots of fruit. I decided to only eat protein for breakfast and lunch then eat only a snack for dinner. Then I started eating sugar once a month, then once a week, then every other day. The descent was gradual, but one day, after two months went by, I woke up and felt like HER again.

The pain in my abdomen and back returned; I was having migraines again; I started to get diarrhea; I felt confused, weak, and vulnerable; the crying spells began again; I was falling into my old self-destructive behaviors; I started to jeopardize my relationship; I was looking forward again to cuddling up on the couch with my ice cream and cookies. ALL OF A SUDDEN I HAD NO LIFE PLAN AND I WAS IN A HOLE--THE DEPRESSED HOLE I HAD BEEN IN MOST OF MY LIFE.

It's difficult to express, at that moment, how clear it became to me that this plan had made me a completely different person--physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. At that moment, I realized more than I had ever realized before, the power of doing the food properly. It became so overwhelmingly clear to me, that it erased all doubt in my mind about how effective this plan was for me. The difference between who I was and who I had become was so profound and obvious that I was able to make an informed choice about who I wanted to be. My being didn't have to be at the whim of what I ate.

My relapse terrified me, but it gave me the information I needed to continue the plan. It also showed me how resilient, adaptive, and responsive my body was. I actually felt MORE connected to it after my relapse because my body showed me what it needed and for one of the first times in my life--I listened, not because I had to or because I was going through the motions, but because I realized that I couldn't be whole without it.

Mary

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**Your Last Diet: More Than What You Think**

You will be hearing more about the changes in Your Last Diet over the next few weeks. I have been thinking about this a lot. We talk about so much more than weight loss. We talk about all sorts of great things like insulin resistance, how your hairdresser plays in your recovery, what to do with slips and relapses, how spirituality affects your recovery, how to do the program when traveling, what the steps really mean. And this week we talked about what kinds of proteins enhance or impede weight loss. The dialogue is exciting. It is essentially the cutting edge of the community. Members do problem solving and I bring the latest things I am working on. We are going to change the working name to Your Latest Dialogue (smile). Next week I will say more about how the structure will be changing.

Come join us and hear about this success!

http://www.radiantrecovery.com/YLD_signup.htm

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**Radiant Ambassadors**

As I told you two weeks ago, we have added some cards with the cover of Little Sugar Addicts on them to our store. You can get them for free and pass them out to friends, in-laws, teachers, doctors and even your hairdresser. We got 5,000 and have already gone through the first printing. What great ambassadors you are! I love this group. You have so much excitement and creativity!

Sales alert: We sold 170 books in Barnes & Noble last week. Let's knock their socks off this week!! (smile)

Come find us among the Online Groups

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**David's Corner **

David is on vacation this week in New Hampshire. So Kathleen and the crew are back in the shed doing fulfillment. The first day, I made 12 phone calls (grin) to ask him how to get the scale and the postage machine to synch and how to calculate international postage and how to fit two of those water bottles in one box. He was laughing. I was sweating. Oh my, will I be happy for him to come back.

So, this week's specials will be DOG ones.....here is what we have for your pets.

Missing link. Oh dog my dogs LOVE it. I put it on their food and they think they died and went to heaven. Furry coats, shiny coats and bright eyes.

Joint response. Better than glucosamine by a long shot. Give this to your older guys and watch them leap rather than walk around in pain. I give it to Josie and she is jumping for birds along with Pepper.

Cod Liver Oil. Omega 3 par excellance. Whenever a new rescue comes in with skin problems or any kind of autoimmune, we get the oil out and in 2 weeks see remarkable changes.

Please send questions and suggestions for items you might like to see in our store. YOU are building our store. Tell me what you want and we will sort it out.

Thanks
David

And of course, we have something for everybody in our store

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**Featured Topic**
The Sugar Sensitive Abuser
by Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D.

I know that many of you appreciated the article on abuse and beta-endorphin in our April 19 issue of the Radiant Recovery Newsletter. That article talked about the biochemistry of being abused. I promised to write more from the other side - how does the biochemistry of sugar sensitivity create the abuser. First of all, let's define what I mean by 'abuse' for this discussion. We typically have thought of 'abuse'as hitting, but it is way more than that. Marlin Mousseau from Project Medicine Wheeler in Pine Ridge, SD presented a fascinating outline of the components of male violence against women. Let me share some of what he said with you. Marlin is talking about male abuse against women. It applies for either gender. Here are the flags:

Using male privilege: treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like a master of the castle and defining men's and women's roles.
Using isolation: controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, and what she reads, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions.
Using intimidation: making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons.
Using emotional abuse: putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she is crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.
Minimizing, denying and blaming: making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns seriously, saying that abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.
Using children: making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay massages, using visitation to harass her, threatening to take away the children.
Using economic abuse: preventing her from working, making her ask for money, gaveling her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know or access family income.
Using coercion or threats: making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her, threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.
Spiritual abuse: Praying against her, defining spirituality as masculine, stopping her from practicing her ways, spiritual ways as threat, saying god does not allow divorce,

These are hard things to hear. You may find that some of them come a little too close for comfort. I am going to suggest something I suspect you have not heard. I believe that unbalanced biochemistry plays a HUGE part in abuse.

Low beta-endorphin means low self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you learn to find ways to raise it so you can feel at least a little normal for some of the time. Sugar does this, alcohol does this...and...causing pain to others does it as well. If you are sugar sensitive, chances are you have both low beta-endorphin and low serotonin. Low serotonin means low impulse control. The words come out before you think. You smack before you dialogue. You drink a beer to feel ok. You eat a pint of ice cream to gather your feelings. Or you exercise to maintain control. When these 'drugs' wear off you get edgy and the abuse streams out. You 'hit' either with your hand or fist or with your words. And even though part of you does not like it, part of you feels way better. You feel in control and like you can cope.

The abuse makes your beta-endorphin spike up. Your self-esteem rises, you get a drug like response on a molecular level and the world is manageable. Until it wears off. Then you do it again. Thus the 'cycle' of abuse continues.

Most people will tell you you need something like anger management. But to me that is simply treating the symptoms. Of course you need to learn impulse control and of course you need to learn new behavior, but just saying that is like telling an alcoholic or drug addict to 'just say no.' The person in the middle of it finds that idea simply impossible. The trick is to change the biochemistry that gets you there. Balance it, increase serotonin, increase impulse control. Raise beta-endorphin and self-esteem goes up. Repair the cause rather than treat the symptom.

As you start to look at this, of course you will think 'she makes me'or 'if she would just (whatever, you can fill in the blank), I wouldn't have to be this way.' A main hallmark of untreated sugar sensitivity is the big duo, blame and entitlement. You think it is her fault and that you deserve to be in charge. Those feelings are biochemical too.

Your victim is not making you do anything. And, usually she is dealing with her own biochemistry. Her sugar sensitivity creates low self-esteem. Being hurt raises it for her. Reread my first article on abuse if you have forgotten or not seen it. The two of you find each other. The dance of abuse comes with the abuser and the abused. You may decide you want to change and it will be hard because she has patterns as well. Or she may decide to change and leave you in the dust facing your own behavior.

There is a way out. Doing the steps, in order, slowly and carefully will change your biochemistry. Changing your biochemistry will allow you to step out of a life that is no fun. It will create a platform for learning new behaviors. Rather than blame and entitlement, you will feel responsibility and wanting to solve the problem. Let's look at the steps for changing your sugar sensitivity. I have adapted them some for guys. Your style of making change is a little different than for women.

1. Have breakfast with protein: this step has 4 parts

Breakfast every day
Breakfast within an hour of getting up
Include enough protein for your body. Take your total weight (up to 250) times .5 to get your daily amount of protein in grams. Eat 1/3 at each meal.
Include some form of complex carb such as whole grain bread or cereal.

2. Keep a log of what and when you eat and how you feel. Track when you get into trouble. Is it when you are tired or have not eaten for a while? Is it when you drink?

3. Eat 3 meals a day at regular intervals

Eat at the same times every day
Have the right amount of protein
Have a complex carb
Do not go more than 6 hours

4. Have a potato with the skin on it three hours after dinner. Put butter or olive oil on it as well. Have 3 vitamins C, B-complex and zinc.

5. Switch from white carbs to whole grain carbs

6. Stop having sugars including alcohol

7. Do the things that raise beta endorphin

Exercise
Marital arts
Prayer
Meditation
Sweats
Sex (Not compulsive sex)
Music
Good food
Good company
Laughter
Kids, dogs, cats
Fishing

You add your own.

As your biochemistry changes, you will find yourself better able to hear and to actually communicate with the people who were your victims. You will be more patient, more tolerant and more flexible. This may sound nuts - food can change you - but it is not. I have worked with thousands of guys. This is real and it works.

Warmly, Kathleen

©Kathleen DesMaisons 2004.