Another look at Commitment
Kathleen DesMaisons, Ph.D.
Every week, I get many letters from people who feel inadequate, overwhelmed, fat, out of control and unable to do the program. Or I get letters from people who feel buffeted by the stress in their lives. People have died, work is demanding, no time, no space, no capacity to “do” anything but get by. And in the last few years this has gotten worse and worse.
And each time I say, “These feelings are caused by being out of balance. The stress does not create the feelings, your biochemistry does.” When you are balanced, you respond to stress differently, it becomes functional rather than overwhelming. You stand in the center of the swirl with a sense of calm and clarity about priorities and demands. And when you are not balanced, that idea seems totally
off the wall.
When you are in the middle of what I call sugar feelings, you will be reactive and feel done to. You will feel like a victim. You will feel like you can do nothing right. And of course it seems like these feelings are REAL because it is what you feel. And when you feel that way, you need something to help you hold them, so you get ice cream and soda. And you feel better for a little while. Life is
manageable for a few minutes and you are seduced into thinking that this is comfort. But what you think is comforting you is the cause of what you are feeling. It is a deadly, seductive dance.
When you are in that place, the idea of the “program” seems totally overwhelming. No, you cannot give up sugar. No, you cannot manage to plan anything. I just don’t get it! You feel it is just too big and too unattainable. It is too much so you need to just give up and feel that nothing will work.
So, here is the bottom line. This program can not only save your life, it can transform it. It can make you clear and steady. It can give you a platform for losing weight. But it cannot work its magic unless you do it. And you do not have to do it all at once. You do not have to be perfect or rigorous or disciplined. You can come, you can whine, you can stumble. But if you show up, you ask for help
and you listen, and then you follow instructions, things will change.
Sugar sensitive people are notorious for not listening. We think we know it better. We think that we are unique, a special case and the plain ole boring do the steps slowly and in order does not really fit our situation. That way of thinking has to go. If you want what we have, do what we do. We do the steps. We have breakfast every morning, on time. We journal. We eat meals on time. We have enough
protein for our body. We take the vitamins and eat the potato. We eat whole grains and we do not have sugar. We are funny, focused and purposeful.
And we are NOT different from you. We were there in that dark, horrible place. Every single one of us, including me, has been there. And it is a place we do not want to go back to. The way out was not magic. It was showing up and “doing”. Doing breakfast, doing journal. Doing potato. One choice at a time. One day at a time.
As I said last week, “Nodding will not heal you.” Agreement will not make change. Commitment makes change. You do not have to live that way any more. Come on over and let’s do this together. And starting at the beginning, and doing one small thing at a time will heal you.
