YLD Chat
YLD Chat Transcript April 5, 2006
Lila Hi
Jane Hello Everyone
Joan hi, Jane
radiantkd hi everyone
Vicki_G hi
Stella hello
Ann Hello!
gretel hi
Erin Hi
Patti hi
James hi
Brid hi
Jane Hi Kathleen
Elaine hi
Joan hi
radiantkd do we have some first timers?
Jess Yes, my first time.
Vicki_G welcome Jess
Kath g'day
Jess Thanks!
Jane Hi Jess
Ann welcome Jess!
radiantkd nice to have you here
radiantkd ok, I have a topic
Alice_F Yes?
James great
Stella all ears
Elaine drum roll
Lila great
radiantkd I would like to talk about weight loss
gail lol
Erin Imagine that!
Jane Oh good
Val oh, THAT! LOL
radiantkd I have an interesting observation
Kath ah, the bonus extra at the end of healing
Val you mean that thing I don't even think about any more?
radiantkd as you all know, we have just started new classes
radiantkd yes?
Jane Yes
Kath y
Elaine yes
Vicki_G yes
Stella y
Peggy_J. right
Jess yes
James yep
radiantkd so everyone is settled in
radiantkd 3 levels
Bonnie I am in the weight loss and just posted a BIG feeling response
radiantkd foundation
radiantkd weight loss
Alice_F settling...
radiantkd and weight loss in action
radiantkd with the expectation that the people in WLIA have 6 months on step 7
radiantkd right?
Kath right
Vicki_G right
Jane right
Peggy_J. yes
Stella right
Bonnie yep
James yep
Brid right
Lucy i thought that was for weight loss as well
Lila right
radiantkd no lise, weight loss is step 7
radiantkd anyway, I asked WLIA about where they are with the steps
radiantkd and a lot of people sort of said, weeeell, I have a hard time with the journal
radiantkd :-)
Peggy_J. and we were pretty silent!
Erin :)
Randy oops
radiantkd no judgment, I found it fascinating
radiantkd so....here is the thing.
radiantkd You cannot do weight loss without the journal
Kath *when* my journal finally got happening well, *then* i started losing weight
Peggy_J. that is for sure
radiantkd let’s talk about why this is
Jane You really can't do any steps at all successfully without the journal
Bonnie can you be step seven without it ??
radiantkd why is the journal so important
Erin Heck I can't do the program at all without journal
Peggy_J. information!!
Kath it connects to the very subtle things the body is saying
Lila I'm using my journal more now on step 6 than ever
Stella body connection
Peggy_J. feedback
radiantkd how about relationship with body
Bonnie Keeps a close connection and allows for calibration
radiantkd LOL
Peggy_J. that's what I meant!
gretel LOL Bonnie
Kath the things that make for relationship rather than just acquaintance with my body
Bonnie close connection
Bonnie oops
radiantkd ok, I want to tell you something new
radiantkd about relationship
radiantkd a long time ago, I was trained to do relationship by learning to listen to the other person
radiantkd most of us do not do that
radiantkd especially when we are mad or disgusted
James TRUE
Peggy_J. so true
radiantkd or when the other person says something we don’t like
Val very true
Lila fits for me
Bonnie with poor body I stay disgusted
Alice_F right
radiantkd will you open up to someone who thinks you are disgusting
Jane No way
Peggy_J. no way
Bonnie nope
Brid never
Lila you stay guarded
Val not a chance
radiantkd right
Patti in addiction I would
radiantkd no data
Val nor to someone who won't listen
radiantkd or someone who talks on the phone with you but doesn’t really listen
Alice_F I've tried - no point to it!
Kath real listening involves openness
Kath attentiveness
radiantkd you know, they are typing while listening
Bonnie completely tune out!
radiantkd ok, I think when we are fat, the tendency is to do *rote* with the body
radiantkd oh let me catch up every two days
Patti what do you mean by rote"?"
Jane Please explain
Jan_A ditto
radiantkd I *have to* do entries
radiantkd entries
James relying on memory instead of checking in
radiantkd right
Lila so we aren't present
Jan_A good thanks, James
radiantkd shorthand instead of conversation
Bonnie logging the food forgetting the feelings
radiantkd 5 minutes instead of a dialogue
radiantkd logging the food is NOT relationship
Jane Lately I have found myself doing that to my body.
Jane Not listening
radiantkd saying, I really am not interested in what you have to say
radiantkd saying you are a bother
Alice_F Yeah, yeah, I was OK, nothing major, knees hurt, so what...
radiantkd right
Kath Logging can be a start, but not an end
radiantkd yeah, yeah
Lila not showing acceptance
Jane or respect
radiantkd now, think about whether you would want to spend time with someone you yeah, yeah you
Peggy_J. and being fully present is difficult for addicts who are using, yes?
Susan sorry -- AOL not working, so I'm late
Kath impossible I think Peggy
Val yada yada yada
radiantkd well, of course, Peggy
radiantkd but I am thinking about folks who get the program
radiantkd but think a casual journal is ok
Patti someone who yah yah"s" me means to me they have better things to do than talk to me"
radiantkd would you want to spend time with a yeah yeah
Bonnie cruise control not performance driving
radiantkd right
Jane definitely not
radiantkd you would not spend time with them, right?
Kath I think there are some who need all of the program before they are *able* to journal much more than logging
R :) Bonnie
gretel nicely put Bonnie
Bonnie thanks
Patti well if I did spend time with them I would leave empty
radiantkd Kath, I am not talking about early recovery here
Val nope, I don't
Val spend time with those people, I mean
radiantkd learning relationship is a skill
radiantkd yes?
Kath wyes
Val oh, yes
Jane yes
Stella y
radiantkd and most of us don’t know how to do that
Jane and takes time
Peggy_J. yes
radiantkd because we were wrapped up in addiction
radiantkd and we did not have role models
Erin very very true
radiantkd right?
Jane yes
Brid yes
Ann yes
Kath well the role models we had were not good ones
Bonnie not good ones
radiantkd ok, so I just realized something
Alice_F Hm - I can listen - I've never been able to talk...
radiantkd I need to help you learn how to do relationship with your body
Kath yes
Jane great idea!!
Erin Oh, interesting!
Val say more?
Patti another class :)
Lila this is great, exactly where I am
Peggy_J. and this will help other relationships too
Donna_S. listening!!
Jess Yes! This is great!
radiantkd and I am thinking I can do this from a place of really knowing how to do relationship
Kath attentiveness
Bonnie timely for me
Jane Really where I am at this point
Connie willingness to be changed
radiantkd ok, relationship means not being in addiction
radiantkd that is the beginning
Erin yes
radiantkd when you are in addiction, you only have one relationship
Lila I thought not being in addiction was the end
Jane does that mean if we are in addiction we cannot have a relationship?
radiantkd no, that is the beginning
radiantkd LOL
radiantkd if you are in addiction, you can have a compromised relationship
Jane I see
radiantkd let me show you what I mean
radiantkd if you are *using*
radiantkd whatever it may be...sugar, gambling, shopping
radiantkd then your energy is going into that
radiantkd planning your next fix
radiantkd recuperating from your last
radiantkd hiding
radiantkd trying to get better
Bonnie very busy justifying
radiantkd yes?
Kath and distorted perceptions and actions
Erin yeppers
Jane yes
Peggy_J. oh so true
Donna_S. yes
Lila yes
radiantkd hard to have a relationship when all your energy is going into coping
Alice_F yes
Val TRUE
Kath very
radiantkd now you may think you have one
radiantkd but often it is a shared addiction
radiantkd LOL
Erin Ain't that the truth
radiantkd a team mate rather than a relationship
radiantkd ok, so then you start recovery
Bonnie partner in crime
Val true, the common bond is the addiction(s)
radiantkd right
Peggy_J. yes, even after years
radiantkd ok, so here is the deal
radiantkd your journal is a skill builder
radiantkd that is a trick I embedded into it
radiantkd heh heh
Kath hang on I am lost are you talking relationship with another person or with your body that is a shared addiction""
radiantkd I was referring to a person in that one
Lila journal is practice for being in a relationship
Kath OK
radiantkd now I am back to your body
Kath thanks for the signposting (grin)
radiantkd journal teaches some key things
Jane Because we are learning to listen?
radiantkd paaaaaaying attention
radiantkd noticing details
radiantkd yeah, listening
radiantkd and taking time to make details valuable
radiantkd think about how much you love it when someone notices what is important to you
radiantkd yes?
Val oh, yes
Jane yes
Erin y
Peggy_J. for sure
Brid TRUE
Lila yes
James yes
Bonnie oh yes
kayla yes
radiantkd and think about if they did it every day
radiantkd and they called or texted you
radiantkd hey, how are you?
radiantkd hey, what you feeling?
radiantkd hey, how is your day going
radiantkd wanna have a cup of coffee
delse (or not)
Jane The caring would be wonderful
radiantkd wanna go to Starbucks and share your day?
Bonnie would build nice intimacy
Erin I'd be flattered, want to go have the coffee
radiantkd of course
radiantkd now lets say they said all that and you blew them off
Val it would be irresistible, LOL
Peggy_J. heavens no coffee! Just company
Leah i would find it somewhat stifling
radiantkd and said, not now
radiantkd and they did not return calls
radiantkd and shut you out
Peggy_J. stood you up
radiantkd right
Jane You know I could actually see myself doing that because I am not use to all that attention
radiantkd over and over
radiantkd ok, now imagine that this person is someone who adores you
radiantkd in a healthy way
Rory I have been a bad friend to my journal. :(
radiantkd no neurotic longing
radiantkd no demands
Jane Me too , Rory
radiantkd no expectations
Bonnie i have been a bad friend to my SELF
radiantkd ok, but try this on
Rory danae difference, Bonnie
Kath well I have been the isolator, but if someone did it to me now, I’d be saying goodness they must be in the danae spot I was in then and couldn't cope
radiantkd lets say this person really truly adores your without resentment or judgment
Meg. sounds like the best kind of friend to have
Nell unconditional love
radiantkd what if you called and said, whew, OK, lets meet for a little
Bonnie You're right Rory
radiantkd what if you said, tell me about your day
radiantkd would it change how you feel about your journal
Jane Yes, definitely
Lila if that's what it's about?
Rory isn't that the fine line between the journal and a diary?
Meg this whole conversation changes how the journal looks right now
radiantkd what do you mean, Rory
Jane It sure does
Bonnie my journal has sort of morphed into a diary lately bad thing?
Jill i seem to use the journal more as a science
Rory I have had to work to not put in so much detail
radiantkd do you use a diary to listen or talk
Rory But I see now that that has turned it into a log book
Bonnie talk
radiantkd ok here is my sense
radiantkd your body is VERY skilled
radiantkd and has been very patient
radiantkd she is pretty eloquent
radiantkd and has some wonderful things to share
radiantkd that may be in a new language
radiantkd ok, think of it this way
radiantkd imagine a person in your life that you adore
radiantkd who do you think of
Rory DH
radiantkd a real person? An aunt, a friend, a daughter
Bonnie dh
Stella dh
Jane DH
Lila husband
radiantkd yes, a husband
Erin People in this community
radiantkd chose one, Elaine
Mary husband
Erin Gretel
Jess a friend
Kath I am thinking of a grandmother who had a stroke...all It cost her was the power of speech and we had to learn to listen to the other ways she communicated
radiantkd great
radiantkd anyone else?
gretel mutual, Elaine
Jill friend
Bonnie a certain peek a boo
radiantkd is this scaring you?
Jill not yet lol
Jane no
Donna_S. no
Leah kind of
Meg no
Lesley why?
Jess no
Meg daughter
James i was eating my potato -- my sons
radiantkd I was surprised that people were not answering me
radiantkd ok, so let’s say that person said to you
Jill i was answering in me head
sam my granddaughter
Meg I am doing dinner at the danae time, sorry
kayla granddaughter
Lesley dh
Leah I'm not sure that I have someone like that
radiantkd I have someone I really, really like and want you to meet her/him
Delia DD who cannot speak
Nell Me too, Leah
radiantkd ok, maybe pick someone you respect them
Nell you
Loni good Nell
radiantkd :)
Loni my boyfriend
radiantkd ok so lets say this person says I have someone I want you to me
radiantkd she/he is awesome
Elsie okay
Bonnie k
radiantkd very loving, skilled, and fascinated by your life story
radiantkd there is just one problem
Jill yessss
radiantkd s/he does not speak English really well yet
Erin Oh I see....
radiantkd would you be willing to spend some time with her/him
radiantkd would you be willing?
Nell yep
Mary yes
Elaine yes
Elsie of course
Alice_F I've done that!
Jess absolutely
Jane yes
Stella y
Kath gentle smile, yes
Meg usually do this for others!
Carin yes, in fact have done it
Erin Yes, even though it would be hard/frustrating sometimes.
radiantkd I imagine we all have
James definitely
Delia. yes. Do that all of the time in Texas. My Spanish isn't good.
Kath but rarely for ourselves eh Peggy?
radiantkd well but if you were having *fun*, you would not mind hard
Erin right
Meg for sure Kath
Carin would be patient... happily
radiantkd ok, so lets say yo met this person and you went, *WOW!*
Jill chance to get creative
Patti I have a deaf customer who comes through my check stand at work and cannot speak
radiantkd and s/he knock your socks off energetically
Jane That would be so neat
Jill cool
radiantkd and s/he said, you know I would really like to know you
radiantkd would you be excited?
James sure
Bonnie sure
Val yep :)
Elsie yes
Jane People like that bring out the best in me
Delia yes
Stella y
Meg of course!
Nell definitely
Mary yep
Carin yes -- scared but excited
radiantkd you would be enchanted, LOL
Jess yes
Jane yes
Elsie yes
Alice_F flattered!
Val irresistible, once again!
Meg LOL of yes
Nell long time since I've been enchanted!!
Rory enchanted, that's a better work
radiantkd ok, remember, there are not weird vibes, no sexual overtones, no expectations
Jill honest... I'd be excited but a bit reserved ,too
Nell no sex, never mind then
radiantkd nothing creepy
Jane right , like a good friend
Mary i would be nervous about it
radiantkd just nice, clean energy
Elsie just a new best friend
Erin Ah, even better!
radiantkd ok, what would make you nervous
Jill i like my own space
Carin scared only because it's easier to listen than share
Meg is this harder for us if we didn't have that kind of experience at a young age?
Elsie I would love it!
Jess wondering if there was a hidden agenda
Nell that I'd get lost in them
radiantkd this is very powerful
Val wow, this is amazing
Meg scary because it is so unfamiliar
Jane It sure is
Mary Nervous in that I did not know what to expect
Rory that they would soon grow bored of me
Lila ditto Rory
Erin yes, this is what I work on a lot with my sponsor, the exact danae things.
Mary they would lose interest
Nell afraid it would go away
radiantkd ok, so you wouldn’t want to risk being dumped?
Carin yes, fear of rejection... even if things were good so far
radiantkd or let down
Carin yep!
Mary yes, i think that is it
Jess Wondering how they can be so excited if they don't know me
Rory or letting them down
Jill throw of the balance with regards to the rest of my life
Elsie No I would take the risk
Nell yes, afraid of getting dumped
Meg and yet we continue to do just that when we a slack with the journal
radiantkd this is making me cry
Kath and that I was unable to reciprocate adequately and make it worth their while
Lila I think it would be worth it
Nell why Kathleen?
Val I would take the risk -- it's always been worth it in the past
radiantkd ok, I am going to speak to you from my heart
Jill why, kd
radiantkd your body self has no agendas
radiantkd she will never let you down
radiantkd he will never walk away
radiantkd ever
radiantkd s/he will not trick you
radiantkd or get bored
Nell But, I've let my body down
radiantkd or lose interest
radiantkd your body has waited all this time
Jane I have too, Nell
Mary then why do we let her down?
radiantkd you are scared
Meg and this is all so counter to what most of us have experienced in so many relationships
radiantkd you do not trust
radiantkd your body can offer you what no one else can
Kath and has our truly best interests at heart, if at times she has been unaware that her solutions were the short term ones
radiantkd and your body has proven this over and over and over
Lila i think I've thought of my body as a machine
Meg I see that now for the first time, thanks Kathleen
Jess me to , Lila
radiantkd your body is there for YOU
radiantkd that it her/his sole purpose
radiantkd without agenda
Carin wow, just starting to get it... very powerful.
Jill i always got really MAD when/if i was in physical pain. MAD at my body
Mary so we listen, then write to get her message?
radiantkd she/he will be your ally in a way you cannot imagine
Jane I guess I can let down my guard then
Lila to think of cherishing this person
Kim i think of my body as so separate from me
radiantkd imagine your body as a trustworthy friend
radiantkd who would love to chat
radiantkd it does not have to be cosmic
radiantkd or scary
Rory I think of my body as a reflection of my failure
Meg I think that that is part of addiction Kim
Mary me, too, i have a black hole where my feelings should be
Elsie I want to love my body!
radiantkd it can be like talking about the weather with your mother
radiantkd your body may be scared of you
radiantkd s/he may think you will beat her up
Jill good point
Mary i haven't liked my body in a long time!
Nell because I HAVE beat her up
Carin I think my body's been trying to talk for a long time... and I get really frustrated bc I don't know what she's saying and what to do about it.
radiantkd s/he may want to hide in shame because you hate him/her
radiantkd I can teach you body language
Carin which is why this skill is so important, huh.
Kath making enough space to draw away to see the body's needs as a little different to what our mind hasthought helps to reclaim the oneness that is wholeness
radiantkd I know it really, really well
radiantkd your journal is a map to relationship
Jane I am willing to learn
Lila do people who aren't addicted listen to their body
radiantkd some do
Kim i am willing to learn also
Lila i want to learn
Carin yes, me too.
Kath they are less likely to be getting distorted messages I think Lila
Mary please teach me!
Elsie me too
radiantkd tonight when you get UT your journal
radiantkd out
Lila good point Kath
radiantkd just think of this conversation
radiantkd smile
radiantkd s/he will say *oh thank goodness! Welcome home*
Erin :)
radiantkd you can say, I am shy
Jane but will she trust me ?
radiantkd or I don’t have a clue how to do this, but lets do it
radiantkd she will trust you
dana Can I ask a question here?
Jane Now this is making me cry
radiantkd just tell her you are scared or embarrassed or ashamed for being a dork
radiantkd sure Dana, I love questions
dana I struggle with journal/diary for fear of others seeing it
dana Yet, I need to write my feelings all day
dana And I have left my journal in more than one store (smile)
radiantkd want a solution?
dana You betcha
radiantkd go to office depot and buy some manila envelopes
radiantkd each time you finish writing, seal it up
Rory (Yea, office depot)
radiantkd with your name on it and your phone number
Erin lol, Rory
Loni each entry?
radiantkd lets say you write 3 times a day
radiantkd that is 100 envelopes a month
radiantkd that is about $4.87
radiantkd LOL
dana Yeah, I think I can do that. Thanks
radiantkd after a month, you wont be scared
gretel LOL
Meg nice solution, LOL
radiantkd and you do not need to be writing all day, dahling
radiantkd save it up some
Loni do you put them together?
Elsie And you write, Reward if returned unopened""
gretel LOL
Meg LOL
Jane I am going to write after this chat.
radiantkd what do you mean Loni
Alice_F Danae journal, just new envelope
Loni i guess i don'
Loni i don't understand the idea
radiantkd danae journal , new envelope
Alice_F take it out, write, seal it up again- right?
radiantkd if you want to make sure no one reads it
Rory you could write a page per entry and at home take them out
Rory of the envelope and put them in a notebook
radiantkd ok, put your whole journal in and seal it
radiantkd keep it locked up
radiantkd gee this sounds like an illicit love affair
Val LOL
Carin OHHHH! That clears it up a lot!
Rory oh baby!
Val clandestine, LOL
Jane Rooftop
radiantkd LOL
Kath Vicki G has often said that breakfast each morning is a recommitment to the program, and I think it sends a message to my body I am going to look after you today""
Nell or get a new cover for it that says Household Items" or something"
Val honestly, I found that no one even notices, never mind cares, that I write in a journal
Val especially with the black cover version
Kath by finishing the journal for the day each evening I tell her that I value what her day has been like, and it is like tucking her in bed safe and cared for
gretel you only live with a cat, Val!
Carin I have a plAlicer type cover for mine -- helps me not lose it.
radiantkd you live alone, goofhead
dana I am worried because I write some intense, not so nice things
Rory no, I don't worry about my journal.
Val but I lived with four other people when I started, Gretel
Val and I work with other people
Lila my family's used to it, doesn't read
radiantkd Dana, edit what you write
dana Pseudonyms, huh?
Lila code words
Carin Dana, can you write in code"?"
Kath my family respect mine NOW, not at the beginning
Nell make up a secret code for words that are sensitive
Rory Dana, think of how well the person who would read your journal would know you
Kath I used abbreviations and code
Rory A new best friend
radiantkd give me an example of what you mean?
dana Are you asking me?
radiantkd yah
radiantkd I will help
dana I am mad at my husband, my kids, they are all xxxxxx you get the drift
radiantkd that does not g in your journal
Erin My husband was more concerned about others noticing my journal than I was
Kath angry does, but not the content
radiantkd that goes in something else
radiantkd yah, write mad or cranky
dana and that is...
radiantkd you are not writing it out to resolve it
radiantkd you are just noting it
dana That is what I do now, but where do I go to resolve it?
radiantkd if you want a write it out journal like morning pages, get a lock box
Rory there goes the balance of logging and diary
radiantkd morning pages
radiantkd no, I am not taking logging at all
Alice_F What you were saying earlier, I was thinking - journal to listen, morning pages to talk...
radiantkd let’s do some more with this on the list
radiantkd shall we?
Val kind of like the diff between prayer and meditation
Nell k
radiantkd YLD list?
Val one to listen, one to talk
dana I think I understand; listen v. talk
radiantkd no, it is more
radiantkd lets do it on the list
Kim which list will you talk about it on?
radiantkd yes?
dana Sounds good
Vicki_G YLD Kim
Mary YLD?
gretel YLD
Kath yes
Nell ok, on YLD list, KD?
radiantkd because it is time to stop
Val whew, this was profound, Kathleen
Meg thanks, I will never think of my journal in the danae old way again!
radiantkd yes on YLD
dana Thanks for your time
Stella great chat kathleen
Nell thanks kd
Alice_F yes, good.
radiantkd night
Jane Thank you
sam great chat kathleen! Good night everyone
Jess Thanks, Kathleen. VERY helpful!
Thea Thank you
Erin nice chat, Kathleen, thank you!
Stella good night
Alice_F thank you
Delia. night
Rory Thanks, I LOVE this Wed chat!
James thanks for a great chat
Carin Thanks!!
Mary I wish I was here for the beginning! night
Kim thanks, i needed this journal talk
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